Been meaning to write for a while. Sometimes you just have to sit down after an exhausting day of work and force your hands to expound upon your thoughts. I feel an urgency, and I am lucky. I am lucky because as an artist, we have dry seasons, and those often turn into famines and thus the death of new growth or momentum. Ideas for all creatives may come differently, but there are signs that give away a coming flood, which means life and rebirth.
In essence I am talking about finding something, hitting the right key and loving every moment of it. You know when you’ve discovered the treasure box, because you’d rather make art than wash the dishes. That sounds easy to most people, but it’s not. I was talking to a coworker today and was reminded of how hard it is for artists to even START a work. And they avoid and avoid and avoid it like the plague and clean the house or make a salad or organize their closet and will do anything at any cost NOT to start that painting. It is so painful to look at an unfinished piece, because it is telling you it will never be good enough. And, you are right if you think that, because then it will never amount to anything.
But that’s when you have to just shut up and do it. GET OVER IT. For art’s sake. Yeah you have a cold and you just got off work and it’s 10 but this is the only time in your life that you will have to create your idea. This idea is going to vaporize in the morning, because you will have to unload the dishwasher and walk the dog.
Anyways, I’ve let go of a lot of things about art and what it should or shouldn’t be and how to make it and how to criticize the crap out of it and judge people’s intentions and intelligence and I know all of this from 5 years in art school, but this is my time to do what the hell I was made to do. So I will. And I am, hypocritically. I guess I just understand what it’s like to waste time all the time not doing it, because it is too “hard”, and being on the other side of it now is…..being alive.
I really think the biggest battle for any person trying to accomplish anything is the constant fight inside their heads that tells them they can’t do it. Honestly right now I want to quit everything and just make art. If I am lucky enough to have this feeling of urgency, shouldn’t I? Before I lose it? I did just quit my job….cheers :) But now I am embarking on a brand new journey that I probably should finish = getting my teaching credentials. I know this will take up all of my time and energy and here I am being a hypocrite but it’s true! I don’t even want to do it. But I know I should because I think I like it?
Right now, I refuse to do nothing. I don’t care if my mom says I am too “driven”. Maybe I should relax more, but how would I get anything done? I want to refuse to be a part of the status quo, though that’s all we end up becoming anyways. But if you have an idea, do it NOW. Nike, you have the right idea. Freaking go DO IT. Sorry ma, not washing the dishes tomorrow.
Ps, come out to the Radicalis music and art fest tomorrow to see me and some artists paint LIVE during performances by Phil Whickham and others!! (At Saddleback Church Rancho Capistrano) And see my panels I painted there too.